It's been...almost a month since CTI. I've started college, and started my classes and started making new friends. I've rushed around going to classes, studying, hanging out with friends...and now I've finally sat alone to think. But when I think too long, then I cry. Because I just want to go back.
I miss the days when I started off my day wanting to be God's servant. Where I wanted to live out God's love for me so passionately that everybody knew that it was there. When I was playing a concert and realized that it really wasn't about the music, that it was about God using me to give somebody a chance at salvation. My life seemed so meaningful then.
When I was at church the Sunday before I left for college, I was comforted. I really thought that it was in God's plan for me to go to college. He has a plan for me here. So I left for college with that comfort and knowledge.
But now that I've been here. My life just doesn't seem so meaningful anymore. I wake up wanting to be God's servant, but I don't know how. I wake up wanting to live passionately for God, but then homework, classes, worries about friends all squelch up that desire.
But what I'm really thankful for is the friends that I made that I can now talk to about these things that I go through.
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