"If my heart has one ambition, if my soul won't go to seek, this my solitary vision, till I only dwell in thee, that I only dwell in thee."
Yesterday night was a hard night for me. I talked to Taco for the first time in a very long time. It was so nice to talk to him. But as I was falling asleep last night listening to my iPod, a certain song came on...You're Beautiful by Phil Wickham. I just started missing CTI so much; it was as if I had just gotten broken up with or something. So I texted Maddy and she told me that she felt the same way sometimes. I don't really understand it, but like sometimes I feel like I have an emptiness in me or something. I have a couple thouhts about this...first, what if it's God laying on my heart the strong desire to do fulltime? What if this is his way of telling me to do it next year? Second, if I do fulltime, am I going to feel this way all over again after it's over? Will it be even worse?
Most of me really would rather not do fulltime next year. I've got all these plans that have really seemed to work out well in my head. In Proverbs it says that "we can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." It also says "commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed." However it also says "There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death."
So what do I make of all this? I need to trust that God will lead me on the right path. I trust he has a plan for me, and that he can fill the sadness I feel sometimes, and that he will lead me where I need to go...to school next year, or whatever else he has in mind for me. and I will follow.
-C
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