Sigh...Summer. Summer is a time where the weather is beautiful, there is no school, I have a lot more time on my hands. But this summer is also time away from all of my support. I am away from almost all of my friends, away from my church, away from Rossman house, away from my house church, away from Intersection, away from it all! I left Calvin passionate to be a light to my family, to be a light to the people closest to me. But it's only a week in, and all that passion is quickly melting away. Something needs to change in me.
It's so hard to be close to God when the television is always on...or other electronic equipment for that matter. At school, I never turned on the TV. Now, before I spend time with the One I love the most, I find myself turning on the TV, and then going on the internet, and then reading a book, and then texting somebody, and then FINALLY spending a few minutes with Him. What is wrong with me? I'm just so frustrated with myself, because I want to be growing closer to God, but my actions are completely contrary.
Now when I do spend time with God, I have a hard time listening...I get distracted. I get tired. Everything is coming in the way. It's so frustrating. To think that just a few weeks ago, light was pouring out of me. Excitement for the Gospel and our God was just pouring out of me. I was so filled with joy and excitement that I could barely not talk about it! Now all I do is watch tennis and other TV and then go on facebook, and then try and read a few chapters of Isaiah and say a quick prayer before I fall asleep. Something has to change now. I cannot go through the summer like this.
Lord help me.
-C
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