I have found recently that I have a hard time focusing. I can't be in one place and only in one place. My mind is constantly somewhere else. I don't know...perhaps it's because this semester I've constantly been rushing around having a million and one things to do, and a million and two things on my mind. But it's really detrimental to relationships and to me in general. Whenever I'm talking to somebody, I can't fully listen. I always have something else on my mind. I'm constantly thinking about what I need to do and when I need to do it. I want to really, truly be there for someone when they need it, and truly listen. It's been so hard for me lately.
I can't even focus on doing homework. I always have to check my email or facebook every twenty minutes, because I just cannot keep on task.
The only time I really can be in one place is when I'm alone spending time with God. But then, all I can possibly do is rest and sit and listen, because I'm too worn out and tired from all the busyness that I can't possibly do anything else except let go of the busyness of the day. There must be a better way to live each day than this. There must be.
I can try so hard to stay on top of things. I can get ahead in school over spring break. But it doesn't matter. After a week of being at school, I'll be overwhelmed again. I've got to find a way to live with this and somehow not be at the end of my rope every day.
I start to care so much about all this stuff in my life. School. Grades. Boyfriends. Work. Plans. Future. None of it matters really! All I want is to serve Jesus, right? I want to see Jesus work in my life. I want to hear His voice. But how can I expect to when my life is so full that I can barely even hear a friend's voice?
Something needs to change. I just don't know what.
-C
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