Come all you weary...

I feel..blechh. I don't even know how to quite describe it. A little bit sad, a little frustrated with myself, and just plain confused...

I'm frustrated because I just read a chapter out of a book and was really convicted. It talked about busyness as a sin, and how we need to have time to be praying throughout the day. Because without prayer, we cannot do anything. And I know that I'm too busy. I hate that I rarely get quiet time. I hate that I'm always stressing out and worried. But it's the choice that I made, and I just don't know if I see a way around it. Which brings me to the confused part..

I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I want to serve God. That's as far as it goes for me. Sometimes teaching sounds nice, but sometimes it doesn't. I want to travel. I want to go serve people in a different country. I want to do something for the Kingdom of God. and I want to do it now. And I have an opportunity right here at Calvin. Barnabus. But I'm doing a terrible job at that too. I barely even know anybody on my floor. I'm still majorly struggling with names, and I have a hard time hanging out with my floor. I just want to hang out with my friends.

Basically, I don't like how I'm living right now. I don't like worrying. I don't like living for myself. I don't like being busy all the time and barely making time for devotions. It's gotta change. I just don't exactly know how.

I'm sad because I feel like I keep on missing out on things. I miss out on fun things my friends do, I miss out on fun things my floor does. All because of this busyness. And I'm sad my friend can't come visit this weekend. I was really looking forward to that.

I don't even like school that much. I just like my friends. I am a confused, sad, frustrated girl...and I don't really know what to do about it.

-C