Hide me in Your love, bring me to my knees...

I've been realizing lately the different things that our culture buys into that are just completely pointless. People have relationships over the internet, we text more than we talk, rivalry between schools gets so bad that punches are thrown on basketball courts...I feel like people call themselves Christians but are not followers of Christ. We don't often truly look at how Christ lived and actually model our lives after it. If we did, we'd all be serving one another out of love.

God has been showing me that it's not about me. It's so much bigger than me. This past week I served at a Love Feast in downtown Grand Rapids. A group of people invite their community to a free meal on every Wednesday. All kinds of people come to these Love Feasts...homeless, those with huge families, middle class, poor, broken, hurting...And this group of people just brings the joy of Christ into the room. They are just overflowing with joy as they serve these people and pray for them and build relationships with them. After the meal, they invite everyone to stay for worship if they'd like. Unfortunately we didn't get to stay for all of worship, but the part that I did stay for was just amazing. It was just so pure and genuine. They were truly worshiping from their hearts. What I realized that night is that the songs weren't the only part of the worship. The whole night was worship. It was worship as they joyfully served each other in brotherly love. It was worship as they prayed for each other. It was worship as they cleaned the dishes and picked up the chairs. Because it was all done for the glory of God. It was what every day should look like for me. Like a song that I'm listening to right now: "My God, I am not, but You are". It's not about me. It's about Him.

I wish everybody could see that.

Speak, O Lord...

I'm jealous. Three of my friends from this summer will be doing fulltime next year, and I'm jealous. Why, you may ask? I don't know. I know that it wouldn't be a good idea for me to do it next year. I guess I'm just having a hard time moving on. How in the world do you do it? I really like those people I spent the summer with. I wish I could spend more time with them, but I can't. It's just not going to happen. Why can't I move on from that? I'm just really frustrated right now because Mr. Devil keeps telling me that nobody wants to talk to me and I know that's a lie. It's the dumbest thing ever, and I wish Mr. Devil would go away and stop bugging me.

On top of that, I really don't know if I can handle a job this upcoming semester, and my parents keep pushing it. I just don't know. 17 credits and an audit, plus youth group is really a lot. I want to spend sufficient time practicing for my 2 piano lessons/week. I just don't know if I can with a job.

To keep on going, I have a phone interview coming up that I'm really worried about.

Oh Lord, please give me the strength to get through all of this. Help to know how to move on. Fill me with Your Spirit, and help me to live a life that is pleasing to you.

An Excerpt from July 25, 2009

The rain is thundering down on the tin roof. It's like God's angels are giving Him a round of applause for His power and might. I'm sitting here, and it is just such a display of how powerful God is, and how weak I am. Thanks, God, for the reminder.
Yesterday we had our first show. Our first song was Lleno de Sol. At the end of our set, almost every kid raised their hand saying they wanted to restore or start a relationship with God. I'm beginning to see that we are all one family. We speak different languages, but we worship the same powerful mighty God that controls how hard the rain hits the tin roofs.
Last night we gathered together and sang songs in Spanish and English at the same time. It was such a cool experience. We were all praising God, but each in our own language. It was such a unifying and eye-opening experience. I really like it here. The weather is so nice; it's always a perfect temperature. I'm with all these people that I get along with so well and we're working with people that don't speak that much of our language, yet they have the same passion to worship God and share his love and promises with others. How much better could it get?

Why is it so hard to stay close to God in the mundane, everyday things like going to class and doing homework?

Lord, help me remember that it's only by Your strength that I can do it.

Dream Big

When you cry, be sure to dry your eyes,
'Cause better days are sure to come.
And when you smile, be sure to smile wide,
And don't let them know that they have won.
And when you walk, walk with pride,
And don't show the hurt inside,
Because the pain sill soon be gone.

And when you dream, dream big,
As big as the ocean, blue.
'Cause when you dream it might come true.
But when you dream, dream big.

And when you laugh, be sure to laugh out loud,
'Cause it will carry all your cares away.
And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself,
And it will help you feel okay.
And when you pray, pray for strength to help to carry on,
But when the troubles come your way.

And when you dream, dream big,
As big as the ocean, blue.
'Cause when you dream it might come true.
But when you dream, dream big.

When you cry be sure to dry your eyes,
cause better days are sure to come.
And when you smile be sure to smile wide, and
don't let them know that they have one.
And when you laugh be sure to laugh out loud,
'Cause it will carry all your cares away.
And when you see, see the beauty all
around and in yourself, and it will help you feel okay.
And when you pray, pray for strength to
help to carry on when the troubles come your way.

-Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband

Elevator, elevator, take me home...

Well it's been over two weeks...finally I'm back to Calvin. I'm feel a bit melancholy though. I just spent a week with my friend Maddy. I thought that maybe after spending some time with her I wouldn't miss her quite as much. On the contrary...I miss her like crazy! I also got to see Jordan and Eric which was really really nice.

I was thinking the other day...It's never going to be the same as this summer. Nobody is ever going to be all together. Everybody has lives, and they're all going to move on. Many people I may not even be in contact with a year or two down the road. That's kind of a hard thought for me, just because I really loved hanging out with everybody, and sometimes I feel like I could make a better connection with them than any of the people here at college.

Well it is the new year, and I suppose I must have some resolutions. Or...a resolution. I hope this year (as is my resolution every year) to be closer to God than what I was this past year. I want to continue to fall in love with God. So often I get so sick of persevering through sin...but I know that in the end it will be good.

-C