So I throw my life upon all that You are...

Or at least I try...

Let's be honest here. This semester is going to be so busy. But here's my problem: I try so hard to work everything out in my brain, and I get all stressed out about how I'm going to fit everything in. I worry about finding time to practice, study, prepare for Barnabus stuff, have solo time, and time with my friends. I try to take care of it all. I need to let it go. I need to let God take care of it.

I know that my year is going to be chaotic unless I spend the start and end of every day with Jesus. I love him; I need him. But it's so hard to stay in the habit.

I don't want to complain. I don't want to bring down other peoples' days by my busyness. I want to lift others up in what I say to them. So that's another reason why I need God this year. With him, I don't need to have a bad attitude or complain or stress out. Because he's got it all taken care of. As Jon Foreman sings: "Why do I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need." It's so true. I need to remember that. He knows what I need. And he will give me just enough for each day.

Adonai Ro-iy lo echsar

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

Now by Your grace I stand...

So I got home from SpringHill, excited for college to start. Excited to live out the life Jesus has called me to. I was frustrated because I have two weeks before college. And I've realized I've been wasting it, sitting in front of the tv or facebook for hours. Sitting on the couch eating barbecue chips. Instead I could be praising my God, or preparing for this school year. I could be helping out around the house. I'm glad I realized this before these two weeks are over.

Life is a war. A constant fight for my desires. Constantly being tempted, constantly having to be on my toes, ready to resist temptation. Remembering always that loving the Lord is top on my list. All my heart, soul, mind, and strength have to be loving God above all else. I choose to glorify God. I want to run this race, fight this fight. I need to wake up every morning and spend time with God. I need that focus in the morning.

Oh Lord, I want to live my life for You. Living it for myself just isn't cutting it. That's not what I was made for. I commit this year to you. Work in my life. Let me not be selfish. Let me live for You. Let me run this race, and live a life of discipline, because You are most important in my life, and I want my life to reflect Your beauty.

-C

Today...

So it's been a whole summer since I've posted. Last I posted, I was unsure about what the summer would bring, I was sad to leave my friends, had long hair, and was afraid of kids. Well...a lot has changed.

This summer was an amazing, to say the least. I learned so much about God and about myself. I learned patience. There were some days when I wanted to scream or punch somebody, but those were also the times when I learned to rely on God. Rely on Him that he would give me the patience. There were so many times I had to choose to have a good attitude.

God also taught me a lot about beauty. So many times I felt like I needed a boy telling me I was beautiful to assure me that I really was beautiful and loved. Sometimes I would look in the mirror and not be happy with what I saw. But this summer I learned that God created me to be beautiful. He loves in spite of the mistakes that I've made. He made me just the way He wanted to. I can be confident in that because he's the one that made me. So..in learning this, I decided to shave my head. Yes, that's right. I have an inch of hair now. Because I'm beautiful with long or short hair. God made me beautiful. It's not so much of what's on the outside that matters..it's what's on the inside. Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart. In cutting my hair, I feel so much better about myself. I feel like I'm really me. That sounds kind of cheesy, but I'm finding myself as a woman of God..or at least, I'm striving to be one.

He made me more beautiful than the prettiest sunset you've ever seen...because He made me in His image.